Saturday, February 20, 2016
A Letter From Aunt Lacy 3-31-14
Today was your due date. Today the world owed us your presence. Today, we should be holding you.
Some of us were promised a daughter, a grandchild, or a niece. For me, I looked forward to meeting you: a stranger. A brand new little girl I would spend the rest of my life getting to know. The potential for your life was limitless.
In an otherwise unremarkable instant, the physical manifestation of that potential was taken from us. The opportunity of a lifetime, stolen from our fingertips. Unapologetically, the world kept going.
This deprivation has forced me to reconsider my current understanding of fairness, and how exactly life could seem so unjust. I wonder if the world has let me down. I ask questions, hoping for answers I so desperately think I need.
I search in vain. My demands will not be recognized, nor my disappointment coddled.
But if there is something you have shown me more than anything, it is the lack of perspective I have towards my existence. A journey far too complex for my own comprehension. I have failed to notice each miracle for all that it's worth, and the façade of time has duped me, once again, into thinking each sensation is a guarantee.
As such, there will be no guaranteed resolve for our pain now. Reconciling your loss will be a long, difficult process.
But Josie, you are free, unlimited by mortality, revered by your temporal guardians. Eternal and beautiful. Your presence within me, far greater than flesh, transcends any indignity I have been dealt.
I recognize this tree as a symbol of growth and promise. A simple reminder that though the winds are strong and the winter harsh, its will to live endures.
Peacefully, I know your place in this world will forever be in our hearts. So I will try, as long as I am able, to make your home as perfect as you.